Cloudy Crystal Ball Predicts Future for Hellmuth, UIGEA, Tiger

With a new year upon us, this is the perfect time to drag out the cloudy old crystal ball and peek at what’s in store for poker in 2010.

Please realize this is an imperfect art and is best accomplished with one’s tongue firmly planted against one’s cheek. Which probably means none of my predictions will come true.

But, hey, you never know. For example, in 2010 I foresee that:

— Jeffrey Pollack, the freshly resigned commissioner of the World Series of Poker, won’t stay on the sidelines for long.

Although Pollack knew very little about poker when he took the job in 2005, under his four-year watch the WSOP grew a spectacular 88 percent. The 2009 series of 57 tournaments set a record for entries at 60,875.

Some people disagreed with his changes, but he came to understand poker players and gained an appreciation for the game’s history and its place in the world of gambling.

Pollack’s next venture, following leadership roles in NASCAR, the NBA and the WSOP, will be as commissioner of Major League Baseball. And, with his newfound respect for gamblers, his first official act will be to remove the ban against Pete Rose and champion his rightful entry into baseball’s Hall of Fame.

— “Poker Brat” Phil Hellmuth — the all-time leader in WSOP bracelets, cashes, final tables and childish rants—– will once again make a New Year’s resolution to clean up his act.

Once again, he will fail.

The difference in 2010 will be that Hellmuth finally will throw one of his tantrums at precisely the wrong time against exactly the wrong opponent. That opponent, possibly a female, will punch him in the jaw.

Tournament officials will need 20 minutes to quiet the laughter and applause in the room.

— The dastardly Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act will fittingly die in 2010 without ever being fully implemented against the online poker world.

In its place, Congress — hungry for the $42 billion in new taxes just waiting to be collected over the next decade — will pass legislation that legalizes and regulates online skill games such as poker.

In a twist no one saw coming, 1 million players will petition the Poker Players Alliance to kill the new law after seeing how much of their winnings is automatically being snatched off the top by Uncle Sam.

— Current world champion Joe Cada’s record as the youngest-ever WSOP main event winner will be broken for the third straight year in 2010.

This time, the champion will be a smooth-faced youngster who turns 21 on the day the tournament starts.

Realizing they are faced with an unbreakable record, stats-driven WSOP officials will change the minimum age for players to 18.

The record then will fall again in 2011 when a high school student wins.

— Tiger Woods, on the heels of an expensive divorce and unwilling to face the catcalls from spectators for his infidelities, will quit the prim and proper world of professional golf in 2010.

Instead, he will play poker professionally, saying, “The gentlemanly game of golf just doesn’t fit my lifestyle anymore, so I’m taking my competitive drive to a game populated by people like me who understand their degenerate urges.”

Woods, who escaped sanctions in pro golf, will be shocked when he is kicked out of every poker tournament for excessive celebration, throwing cards at dealers and the use of offensive language.

Hey, it all could happen.

E-mail your poker questions and comments to russ@luckydogpoker.com for use in future columns. To find out more about Russ Scott and read previous LuckyDog Poker columns, visit www.creators.com or www.luckydogpoker.com.